


In Plain Sight

by AmeliaHope



Series: Hidden in Plain Sight [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Backstory, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-06
Updated: 2016-04-06
Packaged: 2018-05-31 17:21:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,806
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6479377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmeliaHope/pseuds/AmeliaHope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Why does Merlin always wear a scarf?</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Plain Sight

"Er Merlin..." Arthur muttered as they both leaned back against the roots of the large oak tree, taking deep breaths after running through the forest to escape bandits.

"Please, Arthur, just give me two minutes to catch my breath."

"No, Merlin, you're bleeding."

"What?"

"You're bleeding, Merlin." He said nodding to the tear in Merlin's tunic.

"Oh. That's, er, quite a lot of blood, isn't it?" Merlin replied suddenly turning a rather delightful grey colour.

"Don't be such a girl Merlin!" Arthur looked around for something that he could use as a tourniquet. It would be most troublesome if he had to drag his stupid, useless servant back to Camelot. Finding nothing else to use he quickly grabbed Merlin's red neckerchief and pulled it free from his servant's throat.

"Arthur, no." Merlin gasped, raising his hand in a futile attempt to stop him.

"Oh for goodness sake Merlin, I know you have another one. I'm sorry that you neck will be a little cold until we return to Camelot.”

If possible Merlin turned a shade paler, grasping desperately at his naked neck.

"If you faint Merlin, I will drag you back to Camelot by your ankles." Arthur knotted the neckerchief tightly around Merlin’s upper arm. "It's fine, it's barely even bleeding."

As soon as Arthur finished tying the knot, Merlin's nimble fingers started undoing it, which was difficult with one hand as the other hand was still wrapped around his throat.

Arthur slapped his hand away. "Leave that where it is, Merlin. I don't care if it is spoiling your little outfit. I'd rather you didn't drop dead on the way home. Obviously, it wouldn't bother me but it would be such a bore having to tell Gaius that little Merlin was too girly to survive a little scratch."

Merlin's hand immediately returned to try undoing Arthur's knot. Arthur deftly grabbed both of Merlin's wrists and held them, securely in one hand. "You will sit still and quiet until you go back to being a normal colour. Idiot." Arthur caught sight of a thick silver line across Merlin's throat.

Merlin ducked his head down, covering his throat with his chin.

"Merlin? What's that?"

With unusual strength, Merlin prised his hands away from Arthur and stood quickly. With a few paces he was stood beside his horse, pulling desperately at the knotted tourniquet.

Arthur stood, following his servant. "Merlin, how did you get that scar?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Arthur." He muttered finally getting the knot free and winding the neckerchief back around his neck, ignoring the blood stains that had seeped into it. "It will be dark soon, are you ready to leave Sire?"

Arthur's mind barely processed the fact that Merlin was finally acting like a proper servant, instead focusing on the scar that he had briefly seen. "Merlin, please, tell me how that happened?"

Merlin refused to turn around, he continued fiddling with his horse's saddle, tightening and retightening until the horse whinnied disapprovingly. "Arthur, please, no. Please."

Arthur heard Merlin's voice crack as he said the second please. "Ok, I'll leave it for now. Are you strong enough to ride back to Camelot? " Arthur gave in, unwilling to cause his friend further distress.

"Yes, I'm fine."

"Ok, let's go." Arthur took one last long look at his servant before mounting his horse in one smooth action.

"Thank you Arthur."

 

_Merlin_

 

Arthur continued to watch Merlin closely after they returned to Camelot. He noticed the change in Merlin's demeanour, as did the rest of the castle. He noticed that Merlin seemed unable to meet Arthur's eyes anymore. Something he had never observed Merlin do before. He waited patiently for the right time to ask about the scar again. Trouble was, he didn't know when was a right time to ask such a question. He never wanted to see the distressed look on Merlin's face again. But equally, he didn't think he could standby and ignore such a serious issue.

"Merlin?"

"Yes sire?" Merlin replied not looking up from the armour that he was polishing.

Arthur cringed at the way Merlin said it. Sire. A few years ago it would have been a blessing, for his idiotic servant to finally speak to him with a little respect. But from Merlin, after all these years, it just sounded weird. Forced. And unnatural. "Everything is ok, between us, after what happened in the woods?"

Merlin gave him a strange look, that most people would take to be confusion.

Arthur hesitated for a moment before gesturing to his own neck.

"I don't know what you're talking about Sire." Merlin lied. He had been waiting for this, knew it was coming.

"You know that you can talk to me, about anything. If there was anything wrong."

Merlin paled as he had done in the woods. "Will you excuse me Sire. I don't feel well."

Arthur nodded reluctantly. "Go, it's ok. I'll find someone else to finish that." He said waving a hand towards the pile of half polished armour.

 

_Merlin_

 

Gaius turned to the door of his chambers as he heard a knocking. "Come? Oh, Sire? What can I do for you? Are you unwell? Injured? "

"No, no Gaius, nothing like that. I'm fine. It's Merlin that I'm here about actually. Is he feeling better?"

"Better sire? I don't know what you mean? I haven't seen him. I thought he was with you."

"He left my chambers at noon, he said he was unwell."

"I wasn't here at noon sire. He could have come back while I was out but I would have thought that I would of heard something from him if he had been here." The two of them looked up towards Merlin's door, which was tightly closed.

"Gaius," Arthur began awkwardly, in hushed tones, cautious that Merlin maybe listening from the other side of the door. "How much do you know about Merlin when he was a boy?"

"Bits and pieces, stories that his mother told me. We wrote to each other regularly, particularly when Merlin was small."

"When he was a child, did you ever treat him for any injuries? Or hear about any from Hunith?"

"I certainly never treated him Sire. Before he came to Camelot, I hadn't seen him since he was a babe."

"But did Hunith ever mention anything. Any accidents, if he ever got into a fight with anyone? Anything like that?"

"I'm sorry Arthur. I can't think of anything. Is there something wrong, Sire? Has Merlin done something wrong?"

"No, no." Gaius frowned at the king, suspicious as to why he was asking these questions. "What aren't you telling me Sire?"

"I saw a scar, on Merlin's neck."

"What sort of scar?"

"It looked like an old one, but, it looked bad. It almost looked like someone had tried to slit his throat. And when I asked him about it, he wouldn't talk to me, he looked horrified that I had seen it. He hasn't looked me in the eye since, he keeps calling me sire. To be honest he's been downright efficient. I think that someone has harmed him. It wasn't the scar that concerned me as much as his response to me seeing it." Arthur knew that he was rambling but he couldn't help himself.

Gaius nodded, a look of concern on his face. "Let me talk to him Sire. Please, give me some time with him."

Arthur nodded not finding any words to say. He turned on his heel and was half way out of the door before saying. "You'll let me know, that he's ok, won't you?"

"Of course sire." Gaius let the king see himself out, he needed to go to Merlin immediately. He knocked on the door, gently as first and then louder when he got no response. "Merlin? Are you in there?"

There was silence from inside the room, unusual for Merlin, who seemed to create noise where ever he went. Gaius tried to open the door but had no luck, he shook it but something was preventing the door from being opened. "Merlin, open this door." A sudden feeling of panic washed over him, he turned and moved to the door that Arthur had just passed through as quickly as a man of his age could. "Arthur?" He shouted down the corridor.

Arthur appeared seconds later. "What is it Gaius? What's wrong?"

"I can't open the door. "

Arthur needed him to say no more, he pushed passed him, not stopping to think about how rude it may seem. He ran up the stairs taking them two at a time. "Merlin, open this door at once!" He shouted through the old, knotted wood. He took a step back before running at the door and forcing it open with his shoulder.

"Merlin?" He said cautiously after the door burst open, pushing the old wooden chair that had been wedged beneath the handle across the room. It took him a moment to find the boy, he seemed to be cowering in the corner, his head resting on his knees, eyes tightly shut and his hands firmly over his ears.

Arthur stepped into the room to allow Gaius in through the doors. He stood on something and looked down to see what it was. A pile of ripped fabric, red and blue, was beneath his boot. He bent down to look more closely, he recognised it as the neckerchiefs that Merlin wore, it seemed to be all of them. He picked them up, looking at the jagged rips, it would have taken some effort to rip the fabric by hand. He held the material out to Gaius to look at. They glanced at one and other, neither man with any idea how to proceed.

Arthur carefully moved towards Merlin, not wishing to scare the boy. He knelt beside him, trying to get a better look at him. "Merlin?" He murmured gently.

Merlin didn't respond, he showed no outward sign that he was aware of their presence.

The silence and stillness unnerved Arthur, he had never seen Merlin like this. "Merlin, can you look at me?"

There was still no response, he glanced over at Gaius for some guidance but the physician looked as bewildered as he felt. Arthur gently took hold of his hand, trying to move it away from his face, trying to make Merlin interact with them.

Merlin flinched at the touch, moving himself away from Arthur so violently that his head connected with the wall behind him.

"Merlin, my boy, please speak to us. We aren't here to harm you, we just need to know that you're alright." Gaius spoke for the first time, keeping his distance, towering over the boy when he was in this state would do no good and he doubted he could bend down to Merlin's level.

Arthur turned to look at Gaius again, their eyes meeting again with identical looks of concern. Arthur gently tried to lay a hand on Merlin's shoulder, hoping that he would see it as a sign of comfort and not a threat.

Arthur quietly stood and retreated to where Gaius remained beside the door. "What's wrong with him?" He whispered.

"I haven't the faintest idea, sire. I have never seen him like this."

"What do we do?"

"I think we need to make him feel safe, he's clearly frightened, we may need to wait for him to come out of this by himself."

Arthur swallowed and nodded. "Go back to whatever you would normally be doing, Gaius, I'll sit with him, I'll sit with him until he comes out of this."

"I don't know how long that will take sire."

"I'll stay for as long as he needs me."

Gaius nodded gratefully. "You have turned into a fine young man sire." He said patting his arm before turning and slowly making his way back to his books, searching his mind for any books he had that may help.

Arthur sat down beside Merlin again, this time leaving slightly more space between them, he rested his back against the wall. "Everything is going to be fine, Merlin. You're safe, it's just myself and Gaius here. No one will hurt you and no one is going to force you to say or do anything that you don't want to. If and when you want to talk, I'll be here to listen."

He continued talking about nonsense, reminding Merlin of times gone by, of good times, long after his legs became stiff and the chill from the cold stone began seeping through his clothes. He looked carefully at Merlin, he must be cold. His clothes were significantly thinner than Arthur's and he had been sat against the stones for much longer. Who knew how long for.

For the first time in a long time Arthur had an opportunity to look properly at Merlin. He noticed for the first time how thin Merlin seemed to have become, apparently in the blink on an eye he had gone from being thin to being skinny, from lanky to unhealthy. Arthur momentarily wondered how he had not noticed? How long did it take to lose that much weight? When was the last time that he had seen Merlin eat? Since the incident in the woods or before? If he was completely honest he just didn't know. He made a mental note to ask Gaius all those questions at the first opportunity.

Merlin slowly lowered his hands slightly, revealing his ears but still hiding his face.

Arthur noticed this and thought it seemed a positive sign. He continued looking down at his hands and pretended he had not noticed the movement. "I've not treated you well, Merlin. I've taken you for granted far too many times. I've put you in danger. Expected you to fight like a knight and then to clean up after me. That was wrong of me. I'm sorry Merlin."

He noticed another twitched from the boy beside him as he said sorry. He allowed himself to dare to hope for a second that he may be getting somewhere. "I'm sorry if I pushed you too far in the woods, and earlier. I should have backed off. I didn't mean to distress you. But that's no excuse. I should have respected your privacy, shown discretion. Like you would have done had we been reversed."

Merlin's arms dropped until they were wrapped around his legs, he stared forwards, not glancing at Arthur, his chin was still pressed firmly against his chest, protecting his neck from view. Arthur took a deep breath, more progress. Merlin seemed to be slowly unfolding himself.

"You have been incredibly brave, as brave as my best knights. Braver even, because you didn't chose to be put in danger. The knights of Camelot know of the danger they put themselves in. They go into it willingly. You didn't, I don't know how it happened but you just got dragged along. Now I can't imagine going into battle without you by my side."

Merlin slowly raised his head and turned slightly. Revealing a little of his neck for the first time. He seemed to look up to Arthur, to face him but he still kept his eyes downcast, he still wouldn't look Arthur in the eye for fear of what he may see there.

"Merlin?"

Merlin blinked at the sound of his name, like he was waking from some sort of trance.

"Are you ok?"

He nodded ever so slightly, so slightly that Arthur could not be sure that it definitely was a nod. He moved his head down slowly until his gaze was fixed on the fabric which was still in Arthur's hands, all that remained of his neckerchief. His protection. Arthur saw the mournful look flit across Merlin's face and interpreted it correctly.

"I'll be back in a minute." He stood stretching his protesting muscles before leaving the room very briefly. Merlin could hear a muffled conversation coming from below and then footsteps returning. Arthur sat beside him again, holding a piece of material out to him.

Merlin recognised it as a one of the bandages that Gaius used, he should know, it was his job to make them.

"I'll get you a new neckerchief as soon as I can, this will have to do for now."

With shaking hands Merlin reached up and took the material from Arthur. He studied it for a moment before turning his head away and wrapping it carefully around his neck. Merlin gave Arthur a grateful look.

"You must be uncomfortable sat down there. Do you want to get up and sit on your bed."

For a moment Merlin looked like he was going to fold back in on himself and Arthur thought he must have said something wrong. Was giving him the fabric to cover his neck wrong? He thought it would make Merlin feel more secure but maybe Merlin didn't see it like that. Arthur had opened his mouth unsure what to say when Merlin nodded ever so slightly, he slowly stood, feeling the stiffness in his legs from remaining in the same place.

Arthur guided him over to the bed, his hand touched Merlin’s bare skin and he immediately felt how cold Merlin was. He picked a blanket up from the bottom of the bed and gently wrapped it around Merlin's shoulders. Exhausted Merlin seemed to flop back against the thin pillow.

"Are you tired, Merlin?"

Merlin look torn, he was tired but he was scared of being left alone with his thoughts.

Arthur understood the look. "I'll stay with you and Gaius is nearby. You don't have to be alone. It's ok, close your eyes. You're safe."

Merlin cautiously closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again to check that Arthur was still there.

"Go to sleep Merlin." He whispered. "Everything is going to be ok."

Gaius stood beside the door with his back against the wall. He closed his eyes as he listened to Arthur's gentle words. The silence from Merlin was unnatural, he was desperate to hear the boy's voice. Just to reassure him that Merlin was still there. After a time of stillness he heard movement from within the room. Arthur had quietly moved away from Merlin, careful not to disturb his sleep. He was clearly in desperate need of rest.

Arthur joined Gaius and for a moment they stood still, neither of them being able to form any words.

"Thank you, Arthur." Gaius said sincerely.

Arthur shrugged off the thanks. "What do you think is wrong with him?" He whispered.

"I can only assume that the incident that gave him that scar was extremely traumatic. I think that perhaps he has been hiding it, never talking about it. And finally he is having to face up to it. You sometimes see it in knights, sire, after a particularly bad battle, sometimes years later it can suddenly hit them."

"What do we do?"

"Exactly what you have been doing sire, being there and allowing him the time and the place to deal with whatever terrible thing happened to him. We must ensure that he feels safe. That he knows that he can talk to us. We must give him the opportunity to talk but not make him feel like we are forcing him. This may take some time."

"I'll do whatever it takes." Arthur said resolutely, glancing over at the sleeping boy. "Will you stay with him for a moment, I need to get a message to Sir Leon, he will need to take control of the knights. I'll let him know where I am but that I am only to be disturbed in an emergency."

 

_Merlin_

 

Merlin woke suddenly, getting out of bed and stumbling to the corner of the room. He sat down with his is back against the wall, tucked his chin against his chest and closed his eyes.

Arthur remained still while Merlin moved and allowed him time to settle. He then stood and quietly joined Merlin, crouching down beside him. He waited a moment before quietly murmuring, "everything is going to be fine, you're safe, you're not alone."

Some the tension in Merlin's body seemed to leave as he heard those gentle words. If Arthur said he was safe than he must be. He didn't understand what was going on around him or why he felt so scared but he had to believe what Arthur was saying.

They sat side by side until the sun came up. As the first rays of dawn started making their way through the window, Merlin stood suddenly and tightly closed the shutters. As the room dimmed he seemed more comfortable. He returned back to his corner, crouched down and closed his eyes. He knew he needed to block everything out. He needed to block out the sounds of his hoarse screams, of his mother's screams as she found him bleeding amongst the trees. He put his hands over his ears and rocked backwards and forwards desperately trying to make the noise quieten. He didn't understand why Arthur didn't seem to be bothered by it. Why he wasn't doing something to make the screaming stop. He ran his hands through his hair, tugging on the strands.

Arthur watched as he became more and more tense, as the rocking slowly started. His eyes scrunched tightly up. He jumped when he heard Merlin groan. It was the first noise from him in nearly a day. He sounded like an animal in pain, frightened and alone. "It's ok Merlin. You're safe. Everything is going to be ok."

Merlin shook his head, groaning again as he pushed against his forehead. He stood, his eyes darting around the room. He needed to escape. He had to get away from the noise.

Arthur recognised the look on Merlin's face, he recognised the way his eyes kept moving, searching the room out. He looked like an animal who had been cornered. Arthur suddenly became acutely aware of what Merlin was going to do. He moved before Merlin did, before Merlin's confused mind had even decided. He blocked the doorway while calling for Gaius.

Gaius appeared quickly with a vial in his hand.

Arthur caught Merlin as gently as he could and guided him towards the bed.

"You need to drink this Merlin." Merlin turned his head away from the vial. "Please, please Merlin."

Finally Gaius managed to get some of it down his throat and Merlin started to feel weak. He slumped bonelessly into Arthurs arms. He made one more painful groan before giving into the sleeping draught that Gaius had given him.

 

_Merlin_

 

Gaius and Arthur jumped at the sound of gentle knocking on the door. They looked at each other, neither one willing to allow anyone into the chambers, they didn't want Merlin to wake with someone else around. There was another knock before the door slowly opened.

"Gaius? Arthur? Are you here?" Gwen called tentatively. She looked up as Arthur appeared in the doorway above her. "Arthur? Sir Leon said you were here. Are you unwell? You look ever so pale."

Arthur looked back at Gaius who was still sat beside the sleeping boy. He pulled the door almost closed behind him, leaving it open a crack so that he could hear Gaius call if he needed anything. He descended the stairs, joining Gwen in the main room. He shook his head. "I'm fine."

"What's going on? Is Gaius ok? Merlin?" She noticed the frown appear on Arthur's face as she said Merlin's name. "What's wrong with Merlin? "

Arthur faltered for a moment not wanting to lie to Gwen. "He's unwell, nothing serious. I'm just helping Gaius."

"If you want to go, I can stay and help Gaius."

"No! I mean, it's fine. I can stay."

Gwen looked at him a bit oddly. Suspicious at his unusual behaviour. "Arthur, what's going on?"

"Please Gwen, don't ask any questions." He begged in a very un-king-like way.

Gwen immediately backed down at the desperate look upon the king's face. She nodded. "Ok, you'll let me know if there is anything I can do?"

Arthur nodded. Gwen had just turned to leave when Arthur thought of something. "There is something actually, that you could do to help."

Gwen turned back immediately. "Anything."

He pulled some coins from his belt and pushed them into Gwen's hand. "Could you go to the market, and get Merlin a new neckerchief. The best you can buy, it doesn't matter how much it costs. And then could you embroider it with the Camelot crest?"

Gwen looked a little confused at the odd request but nodded, glad that there was something she could do to help. "Of course Arthur. I'll go now."

"Thank you Guinevere. " Arthur watched as Gwen gave him a sad smile and closed the door behind her.

He was half way back towards the stairs, when he heard murmuring coming from the room above. He rushed up the stairs hoping that the voice he heard may belong to Merlin. When he returned to the darkened room he saw Merlin groggily opening his eyes. He slowly looked around the room with a confused look on his face.

"That's it Merlin, try to keep those eyes open. Do you know where you are?"

Merlin blinked a few times before pulling his blanket up over his head. Gaius sighed and stepped back from the bed. "I think we should send a message to Hunith, sire."

Arthur nodded, "Yes, I think she should be here."

 

_Merlin_

 

Arthur had a guard summon Gwaine to Gaius' chambers immediately.

"You called Princess?" Gwaine said, as he opened the door, wondering what he might have done wrong recently.

"I have a quest for you, Gwaine."

Gwaine took one look at Arthur's expression and wiped the grin off his face immediately. "Of course. What do you need?"

"You're to ride to Ealdor, and bring a woman named Hunith back."

"Isn't that where Merlin is from? Hang on, that's in Cenred's land."

"Yes, so you'll need to be careful, and quick, I need you to leave immediately."

"Who is this Hunith?"

"She's Merlin's mother."

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's sick."

"What? " Gwaine looked up to Merlin's room, he tried to push past Arthur to see his friend.

"No Gwaine please. We need Hunith as soon as possible, and Ealdor is a day’s hard ride away."

Gwaine looked between Arthur and Gaius and the door blocking his view of his friend. "Not the way that I ride, it isn't. What should I tell her? I can hardly just turn up and kidnap her."

"Just, just tell her that Merlin needs her."

 

_Merlin_

 

Gwaine rode into the village at dawn, the villagers were just waking, their day just beginning. “I’m looking for Hunith.” He said to a man who feeding chickens.

“That hut there.” He said, looking up at the knight on horseback, recognising him as a Camelot knight.

Gwaine knocked on the wooden door. “Are you Hunith?” He asked as soon as the door opened.

“Yes. What’s wrong? Is it Merlin?”

“He’s sick. King Arthur sent me to collect you, you need to come to Camelot at once.”

Hunith nodded.

 

_Merlin_

 

"Where is he, where is my boy?" Hunith burst through the door with Gwaine struggling to keep up.

"Gaius, what has happened?"

"We're not sure. He hasn't spoken for several days. We saw a scar on Merlin's neck."

Hunith closed her eyes for a moment as a memory flashed past. Without saying anything she made her way up to Merlin's room. "Oh, my son." The group heard her say.

 

_Merlin_

 

Hunith remained in Merlin’s room for many hours, talking quietly beside him. “You are quite safe my dear son.” She said, holding his hand gently in hers. “Speak to me Merlin, let me hear your voice?”

“Mother?” He whispered.

“Yes my boy, I’m here.”

“Make it stop!” He whimpered.

“I wish I could. Talk to me. What has scared you?”

“They know. Arthur has seen.”

“And is that so bad?”

 

_Merlin_

 

“What happened to him Hunith? Who hurt him?”

“It’s not my story to tell, Arthur. He must tell you himself.”

“But he can’t.”

“He will. In time.”

 

_Merlin_

 

“Merlin?”

"He caught me one night. We'd run out of firewood and it was a cold night. Such a cold night. My mother was shivering, she didn't like me going out alone at night, but I couldn't stand seeing her shiver. It had been a bad winter, mother kept getting ill. I was scared that she would die if she got ill again so I went to find some firewood to keep her warm. She tried to stop me, told me she was fine and not to worry. I went anyway."

Merlin took a deep breath, trying to order his words into sentences, trying to order his thoughts into words.

"He came from behind. He was so quiet that I didn't hear him coming. I just felt the dagger against my throat."

Merlin put his hand to his throat remembering the feeling of the cold metal against his skin.

"He didn't hesitate, he pulled the dagger across my throat. He held me for a second, maybe longer before I fell to the ground. My head fell forwards, I couldn’t control it. I think the angle that I fell stopped the bleeding a little. I think that's the only reason that I survived. I screamed, hoping that I would wake someone from the village. Then I tasted blood in my mouth and I knew that I was going to die. Then I heard screaming and I realised it wasn't mine. I can still hear it. Still hear my mother screaming as she found me bleeding to death. Her screaming woke other members of the village. Suddenly I was surrounded. Too many people. All stood above me. Staring at me. All I wanted was my mother. I just wanted her to hold me. I wanted everyone else to go away. I knew that I was going to die.”

Arthur swallowed loudly.

“I have hazy memories of what happened afterwards. Someone lifted me up and carried me home. Someone held a bandage to my throat, she slowed the bleeding. Someone else, was holding my mother, comforting her. I managed to see out of the corner of my eye. I heard someone talking about firewood and suddenly the room seemed to get warmer. But I felt colder. I wanted my mother so much but she was so far away. I tried to reach out to her but I couldn't move."

"Several weeks passed before I remember anything else. My mother said I was awake during the time but I can't remember any of it. Afterwards I couldn't talk for months, at first it was because of the wound, it was painful to eat or drink or move my neck at all. But as it healed I still couldn't, I just couldn't make the thoughts in my mind turn into words. Everything was jumbled. It wasn't until the end of the summer before I started to talk again. Even then it was just words, no sentences. My mind was still too jumbled. People asked me who it was. But I couldn't tell them. Not because I didn't know but I couldn't form his name in my mouth. I tried but it just came out as nonsense. My mother said she couldn't stand me being in danger. She said that I couldn't stay in Ealdor. She told me about Gaius and then told me that I was to go to Camelot. That I would be safe there. All I want is to be able to return safely to Ealdor. I should be taking care of my mother, not hiding here. She doesn't have anyone else. It was always just the two of us. I let her down. When Kanen came I should have been there to protect her."

Merlin paused, gazing out of window, remembering.

Arthur tried to swallow down the anger he felt. He knew that losing his temper now would do only harm to Merlin. He wanted Merlin to feel safe.

"While I was recovering, people kept staring at my neck. It was like they didn't see me anymore. I just became the wound. I couldn't stand the way people were looking at me. I had to cover it up. That's why I started wearing a neckerchief all the time. Since then I've not been able to stand not having my neck hidden. And when you pulled my neckerchief off in the woods. The way you looked at the scar, it was like I was back there again. The scar started hurting again, I could feel the blood dripping down my throat. For a moment I actually thought I was in Ealdor. I didn't know who you were. And then everything came back to me and I needed to get away, to get some sort of control back. While I was travelling to Camelot I decided to leave what happened behind me. And then suddenly it was all back."

"I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for?"

"You came to Camelot after all of that. And the first think I did was put you in the stocks."

"Yeah, you were a bit of a prat." Merlin said, with a small grin on his lips.

"Oy!"

Merlin looked humbled. "Sorry, you were a bit of a prat _Sire_."

Arthur ignored the insult, looking awkward as a thought had just popped into his mind. "When we went to Ealdor, to fight against Kanen, what the man who attacked you still in the village?"

Merlin nodded slightly.

"Did I meet him?"

Merlin nodded again.

"I thought you were just worried for your mother. It never occurred to me that you may have been scared of something else. Was it the first time that you had seen your mother since leaving Ealdor?"

"Yes, I could see her watching me so carefully. I could tell that she wanted to ask me about my neck, she's never mentioned it since I left Ealdor. No one else in the village mentioned it either. I think that they just want to believe that it didn't happen."

"I'm sorry Merlin. " Arthur said sincerely. He pulled a small, soft package from his pocket. "Here. "

"What's this?"

"Open it and find out."

Merlin carefully opened the paper revealing a bright, Camelot red neckerchief. He unfolded it to find the Camelot crest embroidered upon it. He opened his mouth, unable to find words. "Thank you." He said eventually.

"You're welcome. Now if anyone asks why you wear it or tries to make you take it off, you can tell them that I insist that you wear the crest, the same as the knights do."


End file.
